Not today, Lord.

5 things I can see,

4 things I can feel,

3 things I can hear,

2 things I can smell,

1 thing I can taste…

Ever looked at the mirror

And everywhere’s blurry ?

Like your own face is slipping away from you

like you’re here… but not really here

So you try to hold on—

the way they say you should

And you count

5 things I can see

My hand holding my chest

Very blurry vision, but at least I see my hand

My feet of course,

The tear drop from my eyes

And yes— the floor the tear drops

My head is Down

4 things I can feel?

My chest wrapping up and say “hey it’s time to go”

Closing the doors that allow free passage of oxygen

Because in that moment, I don’t need it

Sarcastic innit?

Pain in my chest

In my head

Sun beating my back as well— be for real

3 things I can hear?

My heart beating louder than

talking drums at Ojude Oba festival on the third day after Eid

I can also hear the whistling of my breath because the free price of oxygen is now more expensive than fuel in Nigeria

And my mind shouting “God abeg! I can’t die like this” Lahor !!!

2 things I can smell

Pity party, ‘shitttt are you okay’?

From random people who just saw you in the middle of the road with your head down, struggling and praying that you leave there alive.

And after ward the smell of your own sweat because “what the hell did I just experience”

1 thing I can taste ?

Nothing, as I finally raise my head, stagger,

While the pity party leads me to the health center.