Before 23

Being a creative with an inability to actually create is deafening. I didn’t say can be deafening because I’m not about to advise you or tell you it’ll be okay, because I too, have found myself in this space of deafness.

I’m a creative, I’ve seen my capacity but then I know I want more, I want more with absolutely no map there. I just want better, I know I can get better, and I know you can get better as well.

Being a creative with nothing to show for it is crazy, because you work hard sometimes and then it stops, like your tyre got pierced by a nail while riding to the road of greatness and there’s a pause.

A pause that’s deafening, not because the voices in your head got louder than the conductors at ring road, but because of the outside noise from internet’s voice that scream at you and say “she’s only twenty and so are you”.

Creative where???

Story teller where???

Yes I’m always telling stories, I mean the voices that scream in my head are quite cinematic, they are living poetry and they act scenes in 4k. But their stories aren’t exciting; they’re born out of pain and rage and of course I don’t want to be the girl that people would know to be a tragic poet or the victim.

Never the happy one, never the hero, so I paused. The deafening pause.

Now I’m here asking myself, what if I kept going? And got the recognition I so dearly seek?, What would have happened if I didn’t care about being the sad poet with soul crushing pieces?, what if I described how anxiety buttered my mind like toasted bread?— I was already fried. What if I used the fall out , the heart break and the rest to create art? What if I fully showed the world what I had to offer without doubting my light at all…

Mind you omahlay is my favorite artist.

So yes I wasn’t gonna advise you, I was just hoping y’all have a solution that is plausible enough to pull me out of this deafening fog that clouds my mind.

And maybe I’ll be seen, rich and recognized before 23.